recovery doesn't work

hey,
i just got done sending my ex an email. i just really want to let him know how i feel. here it is:

brandon,
this is only temporary, so don't get used to it: i honestly couldn't give a damn if you care or not, but i'm still not over you. i'm sure you're long over me. it's been really hard for me. i've been talking to my friends about it a lot and they all say i need to talk to you and let you know how i really feel. it's all apart of the healing process. so here it is: i was completley masking my feelings when you broke up with me. yea, i was pissed off at you so much that day, but i got over it. you said you loved me, and i thought you meant it. what really bugs me is how you can just fuck me then drop me. in other words, you were the first person i had sex with ever since the thing in FL. i really trusted you. it all just seemed so perfect. i never did have an issue with you still having feelings fro skylar. face it, you're not over him yet. don't take this the wrong way, but i don't think you're ready for a romantic relationship with anyone but skylar. you just limit your possibilities. you just have to get out there more and find someone who can really make you happy. that's what i did, and i found you. brandon, you're the first person i've ever been in love with. but i know you don't care. what i really want to know is why did i break up with me? the whole "we were bound to hit a brick wall sooner or later" is such bull shit. i think it's cause i was very depressed for a period and was planning (no, not really. im not that stupid) to run away. half the depressing things that i said weren't true. i just felt like i had to make you feel sorry for me for you to say "i love you". i'm not alone on that, colin agrees. when i was around you i was always so happy, not it's gone. i really want to know how you feel about this. and don't lie. i think we both know that i'm practically made of steel, i can take anything. i won't be more hurt than i already am. i guess what i really want to say is this: you made me whole. i just wish i could've made you whole.

-tony


That letter really does explain how i feel. It almost makes me want to cry. I miss him so much I don't think I can take it anymore. I love him.

live well,
tony