hey,
OMG! Last night I finally talked to my best friend that I haven't seen or talked to in over 6 years. It was really super nice to finally reconnect with her. Gosh, I've missed her so much... Ronni and i have so many great memories and such. I'm truley glad i finally had the (pardon the pun) balls to call her. Ronni, if you're reading, I love ya sista!
-tony
11.21.2006
11.20.2006
moments
hey,
Well, a few seconds ago, Brandon walked right passed me. No eye contact. Just walk. Walk. No words. Just walk. Walk. I don't even know how or why I miss Brandon. I guess I'm just torn. I mean, I really want to be with Kodii and all, it's just sometimes, like other broken-hearted people, I have these moments where I think about what could've been or what I would do to change this whole ordeal if I could. It's these moments that are holding me, and others, back from continuing on with our lives and being happy. These moments are combining fiction and reality. These moments do not exist, but only in our mind. That's why pretty much everytime I see Brandon, I freeze. I freeze because I have a moment. A moment where I wonder what could've been. But immediatley after having that moment, I remind myself that I am a tough bitch and that I can get through anything. But it is only after I remind myself, that i realise that "anything" can sometimes be limited.
-tony
Well, a few seconds ago, Brandon walked right passed me. No eye contact. Just walk. Walk. No words. Just walk. Walk. I don't even know how or why I miss Brandon. I guess I'm just torn. I mean, I really want to be with Kodii and all, it's just sometimes, like other broken-hearted people, I have these moments where I think about what could've been or what I would do to change this whole ordeal if I could. It's these moments that are holding me, and others, back from continuing on with our lives and being happy. These moments are combining fiction and reality. These moments do not exist, but only in our mind. That's why pretty much everytime I see Brandon, I freeze. I freeze because I have a moment. A moment where I wonder what could've been. But immediatley after having that moment, I remind myself that I am a tough bitch and that I can get through anything. But it is only after I remind myself, that i realise that "anything" can sometimes be limited.
-tony
11.17.2006
the power of goodbye redux
hi,
Wow. Something happend to me last night that I just cannot explain in a very clear way. Last night I was talking to Kodii and we just started randomly talking about Christmas and then BOOM! My mind flew to you know who... it starts with a B. Thats cause we met around Christmas and so anytime I think of Christmas I think of him.
-tony
Wow. Something happend to me last night that I just cannot explain in a very clear way. Last night I was talking to Kodii and we just started randomly talking about Christmas and then BOOM! My mind flew to you know who... it starts with a B. Thats cause we met around Christmas and so anytime I think of Christmas I think of him.
-tony
11.16.2006
random (but shocking) thought
hey,
This is a random (but shocking) thing I thought about a few weeks ago. You know how most straight men view women as objects? (In example: PlayBoy, Penthouse posters on walls)... Well, I thought to myself do I view MEN as objects? I'm not going to lie, I do look at gay porn and such and such... but I just don't think I can answer that. Well, maybe I can. I don't know. Maybe all of us are guilty at one time or another of viewing other people as objects. But what helps, is realising it.
-tony
This is a random (but shocking) thing I thought about a few weeks ago. You know how most straight men view women as objects? (In example: PlayBoy, Penthouse posters on walls)... Well, I thought to myself do I view MEN as objects? I'm not going to lie, I do look at gay porn and such and such... but I just don't think I can answer that. Well, maybe I can. I don't know. Maybe all of us are guilty at one time or another of viewing other people as objects. But what helps, is realising it.
-tony
11.15.2006
lies
hey,
I was reading through my past blog entries and I realised how much wasn't true. First off, "Merritt" and "Michael" don't exist. Well, they actually do, but I just exagerrated my relationship with them. I'm sorry I lied to you all. Forgive me, and know that from now on I will tell the truth.
-tony
I was reading through my past blog entries and I realised how much wasn't true. First off, "Merritt" and "Michael" don't exist. Well, they actually do, but I just exagerrated my relationship with them. I'm sorry I lied to you all. Forgive me, and know that from now on I will tell the truth.
-tony
11.14.2006
"to whom it may concern"
hey,
I kinda forgot to tell you that I am filming a new documentary. It's based on my sophomore year in high school and it will be finished around June 2007. yeah, so umm... I'll keep you posted. Goodbye.
-tony
I kinda forgot to tell you that I am filming a new documentary. It's based on my sophomore year in high school and it will be finished around June 2007. yeah, so umm... I'll keep you posted. Goodbye.
-tony
diversity days/update/my new project
hey,
This year in February, our school is holding the Annual Diversity Days. And me, being an awesome person and all, have decided to read my poem "I'm going to tell you a secret". And if I'm feeling REALLY good, then I just might sing a song too. I was thinking of "American Life"... but I don't know. I hope this all works out....... In other news, I still haven't heard from Kodii. I would've called him last night, but I didn't know if he'd be home. But I told my friends and they know what his "heart pains" are and they believe he'll pull through it. Also, I have been hard at work on my newest project. It is a novel in poem verse (something new for me), and it is... well... it's about a boy (the main character) named Nelson who meets this guy named Isaac, and of course they just might fall in love. The character Issac symbolizes Rabbi Yitzhak Luria (the greatest Kabbalist of them all) and as you may have guessed, Isaac is a Kabbalist and he teaches Nelson about it. But don't worry, there's other stuff too. :-)
-tony
This year in February, our school is holding the Annual Diversity Days. And me, being an awesome person and all, have decided to read my poem "I'm going to tell you a secret". And if I'm feeling REALLY good, then I just might sing a song too. I was thinking of "American Life"... but I don't know. I hope this all works out....... In other news, I still haven't heard from Kodii. I would've called him last night, but I didn't know if he'd be home. But I told my friends and they know what his "heart pains" are and they believe he'll pull through it. Also, I have been hard at work on my newest project. It is a novel in poem verse (something new for me), and it is... well... it's about a boy (the main character) named Nelson who meets this guy named Isaac, and of course they just might fall in love. The character Issac symbolizes Rabbi Yitzhak Luria (the greatest Kabbalist of them all) and as you may have guessed, Isaac is a Kabbalist and he teaches Nelson about it. But don't worry, there's other stuff too. :-)
-tony
11.13.2006
i'm pissed/worried
hey,
So get this... I hung up posters advertising my movie "Je vais te dire un secret", and what do ya know, some assholes ripped most of them down. I hung 15 and now there's 4 left hanging. I cried and I'm still really pissed off about it... but anyways.... I'm really nervous because Kodii's in the hospital. It has something to do with his heart... I dont know....
-tony
So get this... I hung up posters advertising my movie "Je vais te dire un secret", and what do ya know, some assholes ripped most of them down. I hung 15 and now there's 4 left hanging. I cried and I'm still really pissed off about it... but anyways.... I'm really nervous because Kodii's in the hospital. It has something to do with his heart... I dont know....
-tony
11.09.2006
Oh..My...Fucking..GOD...
well, i have some bad news... remember brandon, well... he likes me again...........i know, thats what i thought WOW! but, i sure as hell am not leaving kodii for him...again.
-tony
-tony
11.08.2006
Kabbalah est une partie de moi.
Hello,
Last night, I officialy became a member of Kabbalah. I finally recieved my red string (from a very nice teacher) and last night I "blessed" it. And now I am sitting here typing now, gazing at the beauty of it. It may be just a string of red yarn to you, but to me, it means the world. I will also be giving a speech on Kabbalah to my speech class informing them about it and even persuading them to become a member. I've always felt it was my job to wake people up. But, it's not enough just to wake people up--you have to wake them up and give them a direction. You have to wake them up and give them tools and solutions on how they can improve their lives. Otherwise they'll just fall back asleep again.
live well,
tony
Last night, I officialy became a member of Kabbalah. I finally recieved my red string (from a very nice teacher) and last night I "blessed" it. And now I am sitting here typing now, gazing at the beauty of it. It may be just a string of red yarn to you, but to me, it means the world. I will also be giving a speech on Kabbalah to my speech class informing them about it and even persuading them to become a member. I've always felt it was my job to wake people up. But, it's not enough just to wake people up--you have to wake them up and give them a direction. You have to wake them up and give them tools and solutions on how they can improve their lives. Otherwise they'll just fall back asleep again.
live well,
tony
11.07.2006
11.01.2006
...best time of my life...
hey,
wow... i'm having the best time of my life. you guys seriosuly do not know how happy i am with kodii. we've been together for a little over 4 weeks and i'm so... consumed. i think this is it. i think he is the one. i KNOW he is the one. we love each other and enjoy each other's company, and that's all that matters. he has all of these visions of us together in the future and it's adorable. i believe him. i believe in us.
-tony
wow... i'm having the best time of my life. you guys seriosuly do not know how happy i am with kodii. we've been together for a little over 4 weeks and i'm so... consumed. i think this is it. i think he is the one. i KNOW he is the one. we love each other and enjoy each other's company, and that's all that matters. he has all of these visions of us together in the future and it's adorable. i believe him. i believe in us.
-tony
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